The Prison Module

The Prison Module for the Total Security Platform is designed with the most thorough containment systems. In the extremely unlikely event of any cell's separation from the Prison Module, a rudimentary flight computer is activated that is capable of establishing a geosynchronous orbit around the nearest planetoid.

The retro rockets on the roof ensure that the orbit of the module will be maintained for years. Even if the felon inside has shuffled off their mortal coil, a death certificate must still be filed and you gotta have a body! We Space Police have yet to rid ourselves of the burden of bureaucracy, even if it makes for some really stinky retrieval missions!

In order to deter any prisoners from attempting sabotage, all the cells in the Module have a linked air system. This means that if one prisoner tries to use poison gas on the others as a distraction, he'd better be immune and he'd better have powerful friends. Space Police know that sometimes the wrath of other criminals is a greater deterrent, so even in the extremely unlikely event of your escape, you probably won't live too long once the Great Gooblor finds out you "accidentally" killed one of his top enforcers!

Space Police aren't a totally heartless bunch though, and even though you're on your way to cool your heels in the big house, we still provide a window for you to watch the galaxy go by. Take in the view while you can, you won't be seeing it for a looooooong time! Oh and by the way, don't try to tamper with the window. It can't be broken like regular glass. You could drill a hole in it, but you probably don't want to die by being sucked out into the vacuum of space through a hole the diameter of your thumb!

"Who's goin' for a ride on the Tosspot?"

It takes all kinds of species to make a galaxy, but some just won't contribute in a positive way. This month's shipment of felons, freaks and foobars exemplify the need for swift, irrevocable justice!

Starboard Side

We understand that it's hard to keep yourself looking good when you've been undead for millenia, but shambling after every "princess" you see isn't the way to get lucky!

This guy, well, he's just really freakin' ANNOYING, isn't he? I mean, stop whining and begging and pleading and please, PLEASE attend a self-esteem boosting seminar!

I love skipping stones across a lake just as much as the next guy, but trying to skip little girls across the water when they're just trying to give you flowers is all kinds of wrong!

Gunhands don't come much dumber or more trigger-happy than this twerp. Did you really think Solo wouldn't see your play coming miles away in the distance? BTW, he always shoots first!

Port Side

Decorum prohibits us from overtly stating this perv's crime, but let's just say that pet stores across the galaxy are running low on hamsters and hardware stores are experiencing an extreme shortage of duct tape!

Mum's the word on this fellow. I hear he made a clerical error at a certain bank a few hundred years ago and tried to cover it up. Guess he forgot that it's only a matter of time before the numbers just won't add up right!

There are blood banks on nearly every major city in the galaxy, so why do you gotta always try and take it before it's been donated?! BTW, please see the prison dentist! Goth is so 5 minutes ago!

Yes, you make Halloween a special night, but if you're not gonna clean up all that vegetable refuse you keep throwing around, what choice do we have but to lock you up? That stuff really starts to stink after a day or two!

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